This piece came to me shortly, well actually, during the making of Unravelling Fear. This work was sitting in me burning, waiting for me to let it out, and it was so strong I had it named before it even presented itself into my hands out onto the canvas.
I had thought to myself: What if I had never learned to let go of the fear? What if I let the fear stay, grow, and metastasize? What if I just let it spread and take me over?
Fear can be very inviting. It really can. It is like a glowing warmth on a barren, frozen tundra. It can draw you in and keep you. I know when I first began the difficult work of healing from childhood abuse, the fear was strong and powerful. It was so real to me. It was a familiar in a landscape that was rapidly changing. Oddly, the fear was a comfort.
I came to see, as I journeyed forward, that staying in the fear was not only unhealthy, it was dangerous. It was keeping me a prisoner from living life the way I was really meant to live it.
So what if I had stayed in that space? What if I had let fear continue to grip me? How would my life be different? Today, I can not imagine staying in that state long term. I know if I had stayed there I would still be controlled by my abusers. I would not be free to decide what I really feel, what I really think, what I really love. My own family would not exist in the open and loving state it does now. I am certain many historical abusive cycles of emotional, verbal, and psychological behaviors would have remained intact.
I want this piece of work to be a reminder. A reminder to us all, that we can find our courage for whatever it is in life we need or want to accomplish. It is our journey, our right to live, dream, to love deeply and be deeply loved. We owe it to ourselves to face the fears! To be honest and real with ourselves. To grow beyond the fear of what we hold inside and uncage the beauty we have been hiding inside.