It was a long day. A really long day. My daughter was increasingly becoming more and more hostile towards her younger brother and try as I may to help her work through her big emotions and negative feelings nothing was working for improving her mood. I felt drained, sad, and at a complete loss for the both of them.
All three of us were standing in the kitchen as my daughter was having yet another outburst of, "GO AWAY!, LEAVE ME ALONE!, DON'T LOOK AT ME!, DON'T FOLLOW ME NEVER AGAIN!". I stopped and looked in her eyes and said, "Why are you so angry? My heart is so sad that you are not getting along and its breaking my heart!". I couldn't hold the tears back as I could see in her eyes that she was fighting, not only for her identity, she was grieving for what was.
In that moment of showing my sadness, she broke down. The tears began to flow and the grief she was holding in fell out onto the floor and filled the room. I sat down near her and she ran over, flung her little arms around my neck and sobbed and I sobbed with her.
We love her little brother from the depths of our souls. This wasn't about that. We needed to acknowledge that with that love came a permanent change that took something away from the both of us. It would never be just the two of us again.
I told her I understood that she was feeling sad and upset that we don't get to be alone as much anymore. I validated her anger and the feeling of loss. She lifted her curly haired little head and we placed our foreheads together, reconnected, making a pact that we would always be special to each other and that she would always be loved and matter.
I got to thinking about this moment, how this would not be the last transition she would have to face in life. I hoped that how I had helped her move through her emotions and feelings would lay a healthy foundation for the coming changes. That even though she will face giants in life she will be able to conquer them and be free.